As I’ve been recently learning it’s all about mindset, how they see the goal. Most people see a goal from the following perspective.
ONCE I HAVE, THEN I'LL DO AND THEN I'LL BE...
“When I HAVE a relationship I'll be able to DO all the things I've dreamed of and I'll BE happy.”
“When I get the time, I’ll study for my exams and then I’ll change career and be happy.”
These are outcome goals, looked at from a ‘GET’ mindset. They are hard to achieve and very rarely have longevity. As I’ve often found out, sticking to them over extended periods of time can be very hard.
Many of us are always pushing happiness away, needing something or somebody else to fulfill it, meaning we've no control and we may never be happy.
Why are we are constantly striving, chasing to get something to make us feel more successful, happier, complete.
But what happens if we flip the statement.
I'LL BE, THEN I'LL DO AND THEN I'LL HAVE (IF I FANCY IT).
“I'll BE happy right now, on my own so I can go and DO all the things I've dreamed of and then I may HAVE a relationship if I meet someone I want to be with.”
Be, act and behave like the person who has already achieved.
Focus on being the way you want first so you can naturally do actions aligned with that identity and as a result, you'll have the things you want in your life.
See the difference? You're totally in control and you're calling the shots, deciding to be happy now regardless of who is or isn't in your life. It creates a different and more #positiveNRG.
James Clear on learning to play the guitar;
"The goal isn't to learn the guitar, the goal is to be a musician"
In the paper “Goals as identities” looking at healthy eating published in 2020 Janna K. Dominick & Shana Cole found “people who learn to frame their goals as identities made healthier choices, felt their goals were easier to pursue, reported greater success at managing goals, and made food choices that they both perceived to be healthier and that were rated as healthier by independent evaluators.”
They went on to say there was “a positive correlational relationship between natural goal identification and goal-consistent decision-making.”
Identify first. Outcome second.
Why not try to shift your mindset to I’LL BE, THEN I'LL DO AND THEN I'LL HAVE (IF I FANCY IT).
Go for it… As a good friend of my Alex says “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.”