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When doubt and confusion descend how do you find clarity? (PART 2)

bubble in sunlight with blurred background clarity

A couple of weeks ago I outlined a tricky situation I was in where I have begun to worry more about what other people thought. I found myself questioning everything. My thinking had been all over the place, I’d not been able to concentrate on anything and I found it hard to be clear with my words.

I started working through the problem using a ‘growth mind’ set and the #UniqueNRG (The GAME CHANGING Leadership Programme) system called C.A.L.M.

Step 1 – find some CLARITY. I used 3 exercises to help me work out what the real trigger was. I talked about this work in the last #weeklydigest.

Step 2 – getting practical with the problem. Taking ACTION. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been turning the negative feelings into positive and practical actions. Working on projects I love. Rediscovering my true value. Visualizing the success. And facing the situation head on.

So, what did I do and how did I get on?

Well, I’ve been busy doing the following:

  1. READING - I continued to read about imposter syndrome, but I also took refuge in a book called ‘Think Like a Monk’ by Jay Shetty. (Some great lessons about detachment, ego and relationships. DO READ IT - I can’t recommend it enough.) The book helped me explore if the thoughts and feelings were of my making or the influence of others.

  2. WRITING - I did the ‘Dispelling the Negative’ post note exercise. Every time I had a negative thought, I wrote it on a post it. Collected them all together at the end of the day and then worked out why they weren’t true by coming up with all the positives related to the comment. Often what we say to ourselves isn’t accurate. These positive comments are now on the wall next to my desk.

  3. COACHING - I worked on a project using my best skill. I love coaching and mentoring, so I decided to remind my self of how much I loved the work I do with clients by spending two whole days just coaching. This was hard work, but so rewarding. Comment after comment, person after person was amazed at how I helped them in just 1 hour. Hearing such good feedback and knowing I’d really enabled those people to do something amazing gave me a boost. It showed me my true value.

  4. DISTRACTING – I moved myself to a new location. Yes, we are ‘En France’ for the Summer. Being in this beautiful location reminds me how lucky I am. You don’t need much to be happy here, especially if you are grateful for the natural things in the world. Watching the river that flow past my garden, I am reminded that all things move & change with the seasons.

  5. TALKING – My husband I talked and talked about the various issues. Occasionally he just gave me a hug, once or twice he told me I was being daft and more than once he told me to remember who I was, what I wanted to do and how I was helping people. (He is my biggest fan.) We decided to visualize (in full technicolor) what my perfect day would look like. This worked a treat for getting back to being myself.

So how did I get on and where am in my thinking I now.

I am going to use two points from Jay Shetty’s book to illustrate my main conclusions.

  1. The challenge makes us stronger.

  2. On page 50 of his book ‘Think Like a Monk’, Jay describes an experiment with dying trees. Some scientists in the USA created a biosphere for plants and when the trees in the experiment grew to a certain size they would fall over and die. The Biosphere lack a key ingredient – WIND. “They trees respond to the pressure of wind by growing strong bark and deeper roots to increase the stability.” The trees needed the challenge of the wind to help them grow stronger.

  3. Relationships come and go for a reason.

  4. When Jay Shetty quotes Jean Dominique Martin “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” (Pg 230) he reminds us that relationships change. We shouldn’t be sad about this; we should acknowledge the situation and enjoy the relationship for the time its with us. This person came into my life for a reason.

A difficult 2 weeks, not helped by a terrible cold either, but I can safely say I’m getting back to my normal positive self. Thanks for all your kind words of support, encouragement - it meant the world to me.

The proactive work has brought me back to my core values.

Inspiring action | Driving for Success | Adding Value

I now realise what is important to me, why I do what I do and how much impact I can have on the wider business community.

Onwards and Upwards!


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